Ask Some Questions

Marriage is white veils, cakes and flowers, artfully designed invitations, receptions to remember, photo albums of leather and gold lettering,  edged in sweet flower girls lovely in too too cute dresses.  Divorces are mad mixed up children with a Mom in one house, a Dad living "somewhere else", girlfriends and boyfriends in scattered confusion, and relatives with wedding gift and credit card dismay.  It happens NOT only to the rich and famous.

Ask some questions.


Ask the teen that is going through the pain of a separation.  They will tell you, "It is my fault, I caused it.  I was not good enough at school.  I did not obey so Dad left.  I was a 'bad' child."

The parents are dealing with adult issues, but the child can only feel what they feel, "I should have been better."

The same is true for many older adopted child.  When they come to their permanent family, they will carry within the feeling they "did something wrong".  Why else would they NOT be with their first Mother?  Ask the question, "Why were you adopted?" and many children may feel that it was somehow their fault.  It is important that the parent understand this unconscious feeling makes the child feel unworthy from the moment they begin any activity, so asking questions is important.  If your child is often angry, destructive, failing at school and sports, maybe they feel the need to show how they were a "bad" child and deserved to be left by that first "good" Mother.  Ask questions.


In the event of the illness or death of a parent or loved one, ask questions.  The significant others will often feel they could have done more, could have been there, and prevented the loss.  There needs to be some one to say, "You did the best you knew how.  You are not at fault.  It was time.  'For everything there is a season.'  We were just not expecting this NOW.  Do not blame yourself."

Bad things happen to good people.  This is life.  It is not good nor bad, but thinking makes it so.  It is real.


So here is my take on events that are around me, and take it or leave it, I need to add a little
"Mom-words" and send them your way:

1.  Date long, ask questions,  marry if you plan to have children, and then, don't divorce FOREVER.  Children are effected.

2. Don't even think of dating someone that touches you violently, gets anger fits, or drinks(uses drugs)!

3.  If you get into a situation where you divorced, have children, DON'T DATE in front of the children!!!!!!
        First:  your children are angry, confused by the separation-divorce, and now you bring another person around???????  PLEASE.
       Second,: then you go on a date with another person?????  Yeah, right.  You are really setting your children up for MASS problems.
       How about you date secretly and DO NOT involve the children at all.  If you find another person to marry, then take proper amount of time to introduce and involve them.

4.  Talk Therapy can really help with a lot of issues- death of a loved one, divorce with children's feelings, adoption issues and divorce(where past losses arise and cause a lot of anger).

5.  Holidays bring up a lot of issues for everyone, so instead of being the happiest season,  we REMEMBER our loved ones, our parents that are not here(YES, even the divorced ones, the adoptees remember their FIRST parents), our loved ones that have passed away, and it becomes the season of the Ghosts of the Past.   I remember Mr. Scrooge, going through the Night of Dreams, and that is somewhat of what we all relive, on Christmas.

So at this time of year, be aware of the sadness of this season, Welcome the Ghosts of  Christmases Past, they are with us all,
Welcome the Spirit of the young children, eager for the Christmas of today, and
Welcome the Love of Christmas to come, peace for our World.

and Ask some questions.