Here's the worst thing...(part 2)
#6: If one of your children end up in jail, how would you feel ? I surely felt like the world would judge me for his misdeeds, but it happened to me, and I feel like it is not my doing in the least. In fact I hope he realizes his errors, and that he is ready to face the real world when he comes out.
#7: What if you no longer can define yourself by your accomplishments? I was flat on my back, people took care of me, and I had to define who I was, my worth not by what I did, how I cared for others, but by my value without the goods I produced. (see my blog entry: A Second Chance) I could not do anything for some time. How would you define yourself without taking care of yourself or producing anything?
Could you be proud and find value in yourself regardless? I found my inspiration in the story of Christopher Reeves, who was paralyzed, yet published books, directed movies, and continued to work toward finding a cure for paralysis. We can parent from a wheelchair. We can think from a bed. We need to figure out how, and not give up.
#8: What if bad things happen to good people? It always happens, that bad things occur. That is the problem in thinking in black and white terms- nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so. Every moment we spend with ourselves is well-spent, though the path may not be a pleasant one. The value I put on events may be "good" or "bad" but to another person it may have another value. Lucy and Charlie Brown see the football as differently as night and day. The truth is, it is real.
#9: At one time I thought I was married forever, that I would be with my soul mate and true love til death do us part. He betrayed me, and I survived that pain and anguish. I had held tight to a myth and it shattered after thirty years of marriage, and I am free. I am grateful for the freedom I now have, knowing I do not need to be beholden to anyone for my future. I am alone, and I have found my way.
#10: So to answer the question, What's the worst thing that could happen? I would have to say, that for me it is leaving this earth without being able to write down all the stories I have in my head, so that no one would know what is churning around. No one would ever know the ideas that I need to get onto paper. My children and grandchildren, if there are to be any, will never know anything about me, since they won't have my written words to read. They won't have my Mother's stories to laugh about, my Grandmother's and Grandfather's, or even my brother's wild antics in the islands, or his explorations in the mountains. They won't know about the 9 children I adopted or the one child I birthed. None of it. It will all be gone when I am gone one day. That is the nightmare of my story. That they will not know it and they will not care.
#7: What if you no longer can define yourself by your accomplishments? I was flat on my back, people took care of me, and I had to define who I was, my worth not by what I did, how I cared for others, but by my value without the goods I produced. (see my blog entry: A Second Chance) I could not do anything for some time. How would you define yourself without taking care of yourself or producing anything?
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| Christopher Reeves |
#8: What if bad things happen to good people? It always happens, that bad things occur. That is the problem in thinking in black and white terms- nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so. Every moment we spend with ourselves is well-spent, though the path may not be a pleasant one. The value I put on events may be "good" or "bad" but to another person it may have another value. Lucy and Charlie Brown see the football as differently as night and day. The truth is, it is real.
#9: At one time I thought I was married forever, that I would be with my soul mate and true love til death do us part. He betrayed me, and I survived that pain and anguish. I had held tight to a myth and it shattered after thirty years of marriage, and I am free. I am grateful for the freedom I now have, knowing I do not need to be beholden to anyone for my future. I am alone, and I have found my way.
#10: So to answer the question, What's the worst thing that could happen? I would have to say, that for me it is leaving this earth without being able to write down all the stories I have in my head, so that no one would know what is churning around. No one would ever know the ideas that I need to get onto paper. My children and grandchildren, if there are to be any, will never know anything about me, since they won't have my written words to read. They won't have my Mother's stories to laugh about, my Grandmother's and Grandfather's, or even my brother's wild antics in the islands, or his explorations in the mountains. They won't know about the 9 children I adopted or the one child I birthed. None of it. It will all be gone when I am gone one day. That is the nightmare of my story. That they will not know it and they will not care.
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