Being Kind
Being Kind is definitely misunderstood. When my daughter tries to get away with her plan, and you allow it, that is NOT being kind. Either you are blind to her con, or you are embarrassed, or you don't like confrontation. The correct thing to do is to be strict and to not let her get away with what she is doing. Last night she tried to take ballet class(again) without tights(usually it is no leotard, or her hair is not pinned back, or she forgot a shoe). I am so grateful that the teacher refused to let her take the class. She needs no crutch, no box of paper and pencils waiting to supply her when she has none, but a "time out" to help her recall what she needs to be truly prepared. It is not being kind to anyone, when the lesson is not learned, but the agony is prolonged under the pretext of being gentler or kinder to the person.
The first time a child comes into the ballet class with pink bedroom slippers, I tell the parent that those are NOT ballet shoes, and explain why. They are silk, not leather; the soles are large and cloth, not leather, they have a satin bow on the front. Children slide on the floor, and they slip off the foot when they dance. I am not gentle, I tell the truth, take the shoes off, let her wear a "borrowed pair" and tell them they need to get real ballet shoes, not bedroom slippers. I feel kindness in informing the person with the truth, and not letting them stew in ignorance.
Trying hard to reflect back what others say or do is not really easy. "What I hear you say..." can really cut down the noise of the argument and let each person be heard. Whether or not the situation moves forward is the question. The mentor or teacher eventually takes a lead role in guiding the person and kindly gives some clue as to what the next step is. In Ballet we present that dance for learning, which we feel the student is capable and ready to achieve. The Students must come forward and grasp what is presented, making it their own. Our job is to allow the student to move toward the goal on their own, motivating them, yet creating in them some inner strength which will assist them in their future endeavors.
Too often teachers mistake boot camp tactics for motivation. Fear of punishment is not the same as motivation. Some people use fear to get students moving, but true inner creativity lasts forever and the positive feelings generated will become the building blocks for parents and teachers of generations to come.
I have learned a lot from teachers that used negative comments in class to berate students, punish them for mistakes, and cover up their feelings. This has made me understand how powerful the teachers were that used positive reinforcement for creatively teaching ideas, motivating through individual differences, and celebrating unique strengths and creations. Certainly the parent is the first teacher. I want every other person to be gentle and kind to my child, as I would be. DO NOT let her be inappropriate; do not let her speak rudely; do not let her act in anyway that you would not. THAT is how you would be MOST KIND.
The first time a child comes into the ballet class with pink bedroom slippers, I tell the parent that those are NOT ballet shoes, and explain why. They are silk, not leather; the soles are large and cloth, not leather, they have a satin bow on the front. Children slide on the floor, and they slip off the foot when they dance. I am not gentle, I tell the truth, take the shoes off, let her wear a "borrowed pair" and tell them they need to get real ballet shoes, not bedroom slippers. I feel kindness in informing the person with the truth, and not letting them stew in ignorance.
Trying hard to reflect back what others say or do is not really easy. "What I hear you say..." can really cut down the noise of the argument and let each person be heard. Whether or not the situation moves forward is the question. The mentor or teacher eventually takes a lead role in guiding the person and kindly gives some clue as to what the next step is. In Ballet we present that dance for learning, which we feel the student is capable and ready to achieve. The Students must come forward and grasp what is presented, making it their own. Our job is to allow the student to move toward the goal on their own, motivating them, yet creating in them some inner strength which will assist them in their future endeavors.
Too often teachers mistake boot camp tactics for motivation. Fear of punishment is not the same as motivation. Some people use fear to get students moving, but true inner creativity lasts forever and the positive feelings generated will become the building blocks for parents and teachers of generations to come.
I have learned a lot from teachers that used negative comments in class to berate students, punish them for mistakes, and cover up their feelings. This has made me understand how powerful the teachers were that used positive reinforcement for creatively teaching ideas, motivating through individual differences, and celebrating unique strengths and creations. Certainly the parent is the first teacher. I want every other person to be gentle and kind to my child, as I would be. DO NOT let her be inappropriate; do not let her speak rudely; do not let her act in anyway that you would not. THAT is how you would be MOST KIND.
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